Shoes

I don’t know what it is but for some reason I just love shoes. Especially the heels. I know there are a lot of you out there that just love them just as much. I just can’t help myself but to come home and just put on a nice pair of heels and just walk around. When you put them on you just can’t help but feel sexy. I just really wish I could just spend the whole day walking around town in nice pair of boots.

I know a lot of you are would love to do the same thing. Then there are the rest of you that go are you crazy. Your feet will hurt so bad, but you know what. I don’t care. I love them way to much to let that matter.

One of these days I will have a nice collection of shoes. One for every outfit in every color. Hopefully that day comes soon.

Been a While

Sorry to say its been a while but since I have posted. Thought I would give you an update on how things are going.

So far my roommates have come back. So no fun in getting to spend the whole day en femme. It sucks. I miss the ability to fill comfortable just walking around the house in a nice pair of pants and a shirt with some high heels on, or walking around in a dress. I never felt so free as those 2 weeks with out anyone else in the house.

I’m hoping to get a place on my own here in the next couple of months. So that I can enjoy being myself with out any worries or complaints. I can actual take the time to design a good wardrobe. I can finally learn how to apply all sorts of makeup. I can finally get to learn how to walk in extreme high heels. You know a nice pair of 4-6″ ones. I would have to say the best part will be the ability for me to have my clothes out and not have to stuff them into a box all the time and hide them from being seen.

I just can’t wait. Once I get the whole femme thing down. I will finally be able to go out in public and be more confident that I look like the role I am going for. I will be able go shop for clothes and get other feminine things with out having to order them from the internet. The only thing I will have to work on is the voice. This will be real hard in that I would have to say I have a pretty deep one to begin with.

Hopefully with this new place I will be able to write you some tutorial on some of the techniques that I find to work.

Who I truly am

Well I am here today to describe myself more to you. In the hopes that it will easy you mind and to help you trust me more with my advise.

What name would you use to describe yourself?
Well if you had to put one name to who I am. I would have to say a Trans-Lesbian. The reason behind this would have to be that well I prefer girls over guys. Don’t get me wrong if I was en femme and the right guy came around I would still be in for a fun night.

What is your sexual preference?
Well as I had stated above my primary focus is of the female type. Although I have nothing wrong with a guy here any there. Well Amaya doesn’t anyway.

Do you ever plan to have any form of GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery)?
Currently I have no desire for any surgery. Personally I enjoy my ability to care on two personalities. My female side “Amaya” seems to be my more creative side. She loves to wear multiple outfits in one day. She just wants to go shopping, just to go shopping. Where as my male side “&#*!@^$” gets to be my more productive one. He gets to love cars. He gets to go fast. He gets to scratch himself and not care.

Having both sides lets me discover new things most people don’t get to experience everyday. What male gets to know how fun it is to strap on a pair of heels “I love wearing heels!”, or knows the joy of wearing makeup. Where most females don’t get to feel what its like to not care about anything, the way you look, the way you present yourself, and what others think of you.

So far thats all the questions that I could come up with that people would like to know about myself. If you got anymore just leave a comment, and I will try to answer them the best I can and as fast as I can.

Boobs

Well I got my silicone breast forms today, and let me tell you I love them. I have never felt so good when I have them on. The best part when it was all said and done it only cost me around $40. I’m going to tell you if you got the money and the time. Hit up ebay and grab yourself a pair.

I don’t know what it is but just having them on makes me feel better about how I look and more secure about myself while en femme. It makes me fell that I could just go hit up the town and no one would know who I was. Now if only I could dance.

The only down side so far is that I wish I also had another pair that wasn’t oval shaped so I could where them with my corset and other short strapless outfits. I might just have to buy a pair of those one of these days. After I get makeup and learn how to use it.

Boobs

Well I did it. I ordered some fake silicone breast inserts. They turned out not to be as much as I thought they would. I had been looking to buy them from actual stores but after reading some forum post some one had suggested ebay of all places to order them. I never really thought about this option as I just have yet to have good luck ordering from ebay. I figured I would give it one last try and hope they turn out well. So heres hoping they get here in time before everyone comes home. I really want to just wear them for hours on end.

Make your own set of fake breasts

One of the first thing many beginning T-Girls always want to know is how to get great fakes breasts. So I will explain to you the one method that I use. As I have yet to go out into public en femme do to some reasons. Mainly I have yet to get some makeup and a good wig to wear out, or anyone to go out with. I have yet to use a makeup/push up technique. The technique I use requires a few ingredients. You will need 4 balloons, preferable ones that match your skin tone or as close to as you can. The next part you will need is one of these two things some bird seed or rice. I used bird seed as it was the easiest thing I had at the time. The last thing you will need is a funnel.

The first step is to blow up all your balloons making sure to stretch them out pretty well. Once you have done that. you will want to take two of the balloons and insert one into the other keeping both open ends at same side. Now do the same for the other two balloons. What this provides is a smother less likely to break breast. Now take you funnel and place the open end of each of your balloons around the end of the funnel. Making sure to get both the outer and inner balloons on there. Now you might want to measure out two equal shares of rice or seed to about the size of breasts you are wanting to have. Keep in mind this approach only works best with an A or B cup. Any bigger and they will start to look fake more fake. I personally went for a B cup as an A cup is pretty small, and I wanted to actually feel that I had breasts. Now take your equal shares of rice or seed and poor them into each balloon set. There is really no technique to getting the rice or seed in the breast. Just make sure you get it all into there. Other wise you might have lop sided breasts. Once you have them full tie of the end of each balloon. When you do this keep the ends of the inner balloon at the same point as the outer balloon. This will help to give you an effect of having nipples.

If you have completed everything correct you should now have two nicely sized breasts. Now just put on your favorite bra and put them babies in. One thing I like to do it to take the extra skin that you have over your pecks and push it up as far as I can to better give myself the fill of having cleavage.

Please keep in mind this is not the only approach there is to having breasts of your own, but it seems to be the easiest and the less messiest for someone just coming out. By no means you I recommend this method if you know you will be engaging in sexual activities while en femme. As it might ruin the mood. For times like that you may wish to use the more complex makeup approach, or if you have money you may just wish to go out and buy yourself a nice set of strap on breasts. As I don’t have that much money to do that. This works well for me.

I will hopeful manage to learn the wonders of makeup and how to better create the illusion of having breast, but tell that day come this is what I got.

Buying your first set of clothes

Many people wounder how to go about buying there first set of clothes. I know I did. I was nervous about ordering them and one of my roommates intercepting my package. O boy that would be a fun thing to try to explain. So the time finally came when it would be possible for me to order them and not worry about getting caught. This time came when my roommates’ band would be going out on tour. I figured that would be the best time if any to order them.

I thought about were I would buy them from, how I would buy them, and what I would buy. I so wanted to buy a real sexy number from Victoria Secret or Fredrick’s of Hollywood, but I figured that would not be the best place for me to buy from. The main reason would be that I would have to worry about the delivery guy wondering what I was buy from them and why I was buying from them. I soon figured the best place for me to buy some clothes would be from one of the major retail stores websites. One would be because no one would ask question as to why I was buying from them, and two would be because well they are a hell of a lot cheaper.

As you well know the rest of the story if you have read my previous post. I did get my lovely clothes. I boy do I love them.

I would have to say that if you are truly wanting to get in touch with your second self. This would have to be one of the first steps to take at getting there. Once you get that first par of clothes you will feel much better about yourself and less toward thinking what you are doing is bad.

New Clothes

I know growing up is hard when your trying to discover yourself. I know the experience of sneaking into your sister’s/mom’s/roommate’s rooms and trying on there clothes. For me it was a kind of sense of adrenaline. The fear of getting caught, the fear of what people would think of you, and the enjoyment of doing it.

I have spent many of a time doing this method of exploring myself and who I am, but as it comes down to it you start to wish that you had your own set of clothes. Clothes that you don’t have to keep sneaking into roommates, waiting for people to leave, and trying not to get caught. It made be happy when for the first time I was able to get my first set of clothes all for my self. Granted these clothes were well worn and well not that great for a sense of design. None of them matched and none of them were in great shape, but still they were mine.

As time went on I was able to obtain more clothes of the same quality. These were great in all for learning who I was and why I enjoyed it some much, but as time goes on you start to get bored with these type of clothes. You start to want clothes that match, clothes that are new. One that feel good.

Well that day finally came for me, and boy does it feel good to actual have a pair of clothes that fit right, that feel good, and match. I will tell you that when the day comes you will start to wounder how you had made it this long with old hand me downs.

I had done my research on sizes, fabrics, and of course what clothes go best with my body. So it was off to get some new clothes, but where would I get them from. I though well I could go to Wal-Mart real late at night when there would be hardly anyone there. This works. I have gotten some shoes this way, but to go though some clothes racks looking for the correct sizes and ones that looked good just wasn’t something I felt like doing. Also in going thought what Wal-Mart had online showed that they really didn’t have much to pick from anyway. So I decided to look at some other big chain stores. The idea of shopping at chain stores would be for the shear fact that not only do they sell what I was looking for but they also sell guys clothes as well. So when the delivery man would show up it wouldn’t be all weird.

So I went looking at JCPenny, Wal-Mart, and Khols for a wordrobe that I would like. One that matched, One that fit me. I finally found one that I wanted that wasn’t that much. Being I really don’t have that much money to spend of a wardrobe at this time. It turned out to be the best I could get. So I put in my order, which consisted of a bra and pantie set (black), a per of nylons (black), and a beautiful white turtle neck sweeter. You may say well they don’t match. I say they were not ment to match fully. I currently already had a very nice set of brown pants that would work very well with the white sweeter, and I had a very nice dress that would go well with the rest.

After I had put in my order all I could think about was that day when the delivery man would show up with my new clothes. Well when that day came I was so gitty with excitement that they were here. I instantly went and tried them on, and let me tell you they felt so good. The fabric felt so good up agenst my skin. I couldn’t help but love them.

So out of this whole experience I have to tell you. If you ever get the chance to get new clothes take it. Don’t worry about anything just order them, and when they get there you will be so happy that you did that you will want to go out and get some more. So much that I can’t wait tell my roommates leave again.

Why Amaya?

Some of you may ask what made me pick the name Amaya. Well as someone who loves the Japanese culter and history. I desided I wanted a name that would even more show off my second personality. So in searching for a name that I liked I came across Amaya. I liked the way the name sounded and I loved its meaning (“Night Rain”). So that is how I came up with the name that I enjoy now.

My Reason

I would just like to take the time to thank you all for coming to check out my blog.

A few quick notes about this blog. The reason I decided to start this was to help share and encourage others to be happy with who they. I remeber spending hours researching and looking up information on Crossdressing and all things alike. When I started to find more people out there like me. I started feeling more secury with who I was and why I was doing it.

So my hope is that in reading this blog you become happier with yourself and your persona.

Thanks,
Amaya